I Don't Want It, I Dread It

June 16th we go down to the hospital for Nicky to have the screw and staple removed from the one foot while the other will have an arch built, tendon shortened and a ligament lengthened. I can't postpone it again.... He's excited, he likes attention, but he's forgotten the pain. I'm scared. These are the times I hate being alone. He'll be stuck in a wheel chair for a long time, it's going to be rough, and I cannot lift or I risk ripping my abs even worse.... Everything seems so big right now. I'm broke, that doctor said those horrible things, and Nicky has his surgery. Crud.

Matters in My Own Hands/Home School vs. Public School

I've gotten to the point where I don't give a rip snort who says what. Not Nicky's social worker, not respite care and not even his shrinks. My back was to the wall, just about every day, Nicky was in tears. Some bully said one thing or did another. I'd call the school, and perhaps it would stop for the day and start up once again and his grades were being affected, so was his self-esteem.

My younger brother had pointed out that K12 program to me. I mulled it around as I watched my son's spirit sink lower and lower. I began to think about his surgery, that he may not be walking well by the time fall of '11' rolled about, and what bullies could do to him again.

There's also a lot of hazing done to the eighth graders.

I gathered information and decided that I am going to do the K12 route. There is a teacher involved, Nicky loves to learn, and without the distraction of bullies taunting him, he might actually be able to flourish. The fate was sealed, when in absolute frustration, he hit one of his bullies and told on himself.

As a parent, we aren't supposed to put our children in danger, it got to the point where I felt like I was putting him in danger every single time I sent him out the door.

We can find other ways for him to get social interaction. There's the Special Olympics and what have you for him. Social interaction isn't about fighting your tears as several kids torment you and do everything they can to make you cry.

I just can't do it anymore. I can't allow him to be hurt like that. So, I've started the process of this K12 so he never has to step foot into that school again, and if anyone disagrees, let THEM bodyguard Nicky every second and make sure he isn't tormented.

Love that Smile! on Twitpic

Love that Smile! on Twitpic

Comfy Nicky on Twitpic

Comfy Nicky on Twitpic

Autism Awareness Month

It is now April. And we do need to be aware. I'm poor, no joke, but still, there is a little boy out in this world that needs help with getting a dog to help him, he's special needs. I donated five bucks. Please, help this child out.

Also, there is a really neat gal on twitter, and she's made an autism badge, a twibbon if you will, she' done them for a few causes, please check out her page as well.

You can get your own twibbon there!

Disillusion

*Disclaimer* I want it to be known that I am not speaking of Dog4Deeds. They are in desperate need for a specially trained dog and they do need the extra help. I just wanted to make that clear and if you can spare a couple bucks, his link is on my list of links, please donate to the cause.

Not long after Nicky was diagnosed, it was decided that I enroll him in Early Childhood Development. I wasn't getting much on the lines of child support, neither of us were on disability yet. He had no nice clothes for attending school. As humiliating as it was, I did ask online folk for help in the sense that did they have clothes in good shape that their sons had outgrown. It was hard to do. It was humiliating, but Nicky needed it. People were very generous, they sent Nicky clothing, and some actually sent money and gift cards, and not a single cent was spent on me because I would have felt like the sleaziest human being on earth if I had.

I'm not pointing fingers, if you are offended, then you must be guilty of it.

I'm naive at times, I thought people were all for doing the best for their kids like me, but I was wrong, I saw a darker side. There are parents out there who exploit their children and their autism for their own gain.

Nicky gets respite, that is covered by his Medical Insurance. The other company we went through, took him to places like Valley Fair and all sorts of trips, but I could not go along, it was just for Nicky. That's all that mattered to me. But all that fun didn't matter much when those workers treated him like garbage.

People get donations for their kids. Computers. I bought mine. They get all sorts of free things, they even get free trips for the whole family! Some of what gets donated to their kids, they end up using themselves and it horrifies me. I'd like to get Nicky to a Comic Con, but there is no way in hell I would ask anyone for the money to get there.

Somethings online, yes, are for my pleasure, but asking for special tweets, etc. it's all for Nicky. If someone wants to do something special for Nicky, that's great. We don't have a lot of family, he's had it rough, but never would I use Nicky for my own personal gain. And I know there are several others out there who are like me, we do what we do for the good of our kids. I will ask someone to send Nicky a message, a kind word, but I will never ask for anything else. If someone wishes to gift him with something, awesome, but I'd never screw another person around.

We've Got Style!

Jen, sweet kind Jen who is a fellow blogger

presented me with this really cool award!

But as life would have it, I have to reveal 7 things about myself and tag 10 people, like her, I plan on tagging only 5 because I'm too danged lazy. LOL So here goes.

1. I'm super sentimental, I cry over tv shows and movies.

2. I play dumb because people expect less of me.

3. I'm more comfortable being myself with those online than the people I deal with day to day. The people I deal with on a daily basis would call me a b*tch and have.

4. I love anything that sparkles.

5. My favorite bird is the robin.

6. I hate politics.

7. If I call you friend, I mean it.



Now, time to gift a few other people. :)

It's A Crazy World

Big Daddy Autism

Autism Army Mom

The Animated Woman

The Mom Adventures